Skip to content

What do I mean by 'inner' vibrancy?

Feeling vibrant is an " inside job" and takes time and dedication but it is so worth it.

I believe all women deserve to live a vibrant, rich and fulfilling life. Why is it that many of us struggle to reach this place?

I'll tell you why. It's to do with our core programming as women across generations and cultures. We were brought up as girls to please others and to put ourselves last (otherwise we are labelled selfish.)

Asa result we spend our time nurturing others at the cost of our needs. It's usually embedded deeply as a lifetime habit. It's often not until a life event stops us in our tracks like illness, a marriage breakdown or a job loss that we are forced to confront our core patterns.

This is what happened to me. Out of nowhere, at 42, I had a breast cancer diagnosis. Of course I knew it didn't really come 'out of nowhere' as cancer takes time to develop. Looking back, I had had two very stressful years before the cancer was diagnosed. However it FELT like it had suddenly gate-crashed into my life as an uninvited guest. Life went from being okay to hitting rock bottom.

I had to start from scratch.

After a lot of soul-searching I realised that I had two strong patterns running through my life- please others and be perfect and these had uniquely combined to set up the conditions for me to neglect my own needs and over-work to please others and get the love and attention I craved.

What did I do to heal myself?

I started with a new commitment. I realised that because I had neglected my needs, always putting them on hold for the sake of others, I needed to do something radically different.

We always have choices in life.

Our life is created moment by moment from the choices we make or don't make.

I knew that I had a lot of negative self-talk stemming from a core belief of " I am not good enough." I was constantly measuring myself up to an impossible standard I had set to "be perfect." You can't keep this up over a life-time especially if your day job is hugely demanding, as mine was at the time, as a primary school teacher.

At this stage, I hadn't discovered Logosynthesis®. (which uniquely releases the energy linked to core beliefs like 'I am not enough.' layer by layer in a gentle and very effective way.)

I had to start somewhere, alongside the healthy body regime I embarked on of juicing, coffee enemas, an organic diet and practising healing modalities like EFT and having healing sessions.

I want to share with you here three ways to begin to cultivate your inner vibrancy. In addition I've talked about my cancer journey in a recent podcast I recorded with Hazel Hislop a Health and Wellbeing Coach. You might want to take a listen to our conversation.

1. Change your beliefs and patterns

Notice the patterns and beliefs as they come up. Pause, connect to your heart, feel the feelings and ask " what is the kindest thing I can do for myself in this moment?" Limiting beliefs about ourselves only bring our energy down. It's time to liberate the past and to drop self-judgement and resentment. This brings freedom and expansion of the present moment. It's not easy but it is essential. Seek some support from a coach or therapist to help you release what has been holding you back if you need to.

2. Build self-intimacy

This is a day by day experience that takes time to build. If you think of self-intimacy what does it mean? Perhaps you think of looking after your body through good nutrition, hydration and exercise. These are all good but self-intimacy goes much deeper. Start by asking yourself "what is the most loving thing I can do or feel in this moment? "

Are you critical and judgemental of yourself? Even if you are only judging others you are also judging yourself on some level. Many of us have literally starved ourselves of love. Start small. Make a list of 15 ways you can show yourself love and add the top 5 to your daily routine.

3. Nurture your inner child

When you catch your self-sabotaging thoughts. I am not an advocate of replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. This doesn't work in the short or long-term. Instead listen to the core messages you are telling yourself and patiently ask "how old is this little one who is saying and feeling this?"

Our inner child needs our love, support and reassurance before it will trust enough to let love in. Find a photograph of yourself as that young child and tell her that she is loved. Reassure her that you will never abandon her.

Conclusion

Cultivating inner vibrancy is about taking a deep dive into our patterns and programmes to see what's not helpful. If we have inner vibrancy we know we are worthy of love. We are at home within ourselves and respond to life with joy and curiosity rather than with fear and apprehension. It takes commitment to create a deeper connection to ourselves. It might feel strange to be giving yourself a lot of loving attention at first however if you practice this every day, I promise you the world around you will begin to look and feel different and respond to you in a different way.

Today is a great day to make this commitment to cultivate your inner vibrancy. If you need support why not schedule in an initial consultation appointment with me here

2

Life is challenging and uncertain for everyone at the moment. We are worried about catching Covid-19 and its mutating strains and passing it on to those who are vulnerable. With the frequent policy changes and decisions being taken it’s increasingly hard to stay sane, juggling circumstances and priorities with no end in sight. When we feel confused by the mixed messages we are hearing in the media we experience cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is holding some contradictory beliefs, values or ideas from the information we are hearing.

Fear and anxiety are known to suppress our immune system and keep us in a state of fight, flight or freeze. This is not a healthy place to be and will lead to exhaustion and burn-out.

We are in a global transition cycle

William Bridges describes transition as "the psychological process we go through in order to come to terms with a new situation." We will have all experienced one or two major transitions in our life, for example a job or significant relationship coming to an end. The major difference is that now the Covid-19 crisis is affecting us all at the same time, to a greater or lesser degree.

A transition is an ‘in between’ space where we can feel like a trapeze artist suspended in mid-air.


At times like this its good to step back, check in and ask:-


• What is in my control and what is outside of my control?
• What changes or adjustments can I make?
• What difference would that make to how I am feeling?

Make a list of the things you are free to take action on. This will help you regain some autonomy. We can create positive changes by taking small steps, even if they are only micro-steps. There is always space for refreshing our perspective on life.

Discovering what you need in the moment will enable you to feel calmer and more centred in your daily life.

Here are 3 tips to reset your life: -


Wake up well
Redesign a new morning routine to uplift you, whether you are a lark or an owl. What would put you in a great mood? Maybe it's journaling, yoga, singing, dancing or walking in nature every day. For more suggestions on creating a new morning routine, take a look at “Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod.


Eat and drink healthily
When we eat healthily we feel better and have more consistent energy throughout the day. Try out some new healthy recipes to get re-inspired. Consider a detox and reduce your alcohol and caffeine intake. Drinking good quality water makes a difference too.


Rebalance your week
Think about what you want to change. Be honest - how much time do you take for yourself in an average week? Plan out your ideal week and compare it to your actual week. This exercise can be revealing! Find an action to take towards more balance.


4

Do you remember when you were revising for your exams at school? Did you start your revision a few weeks or even months ahead or leave it until the night before?

We procrastinate when we delay something. Sometimes there’s a deadline involved and at other times there is no time limit. If we have an external time limit it does help us to get things done!

At the beginning of a new year, we might decide to create a new routine or change a bad habit. We will start off with good intentions and feel very enthusiastic about making changes. We genuinely want to make a difference and to transform our old ways and behaviour patterns.

We feel an initial buzz of excitement and we tell ourselves we're really going to do it this time. This is the year/month/day!

We go to the gym every day for a week or stick to a new diet for 7 days and feel very proud of our achievements. We pat ourselves on the back and vow to continue.

However, a few days or perhaps a week later, we begin to notice some unwelcome thoughts creeping in. They are like voices in our heads, tiny whispers, but they don't seem to go away easily.

They might say things like :-

 “Get it done now, don't leave it until tomorrow “

“No-one will know if you don’t do it”

“ It’s only one biscuit. It won’t make much difference.”

"You're not even trying."

These conflicting voices try and sabotage our best efforts and alongside them we notice our willpower is beginning to wane.

We might decide to ignore the conflicting thoughts and internal voices we are experiencing and to carry on. Often they just get louder. We go into overwhelm or feel exhausted. We recognise that this familiar pattern is trying to sabotage our best efforts.

To counteract the internal conflict, we might hire a personal trainer, join Weight watchers or find a good life coach. We feel that we need an external person to keep us on track.

Let me share more with you about what’s going on from a different perspective.......

During a recent online seminar, the creator of Logosynthesis® Dr. Willem Lammers, shared what happens when we procrastinate and how we can move beyond it and uncover our 'Free Self.'

Willem identified four different (and competing) PARTS that will try to pull us in different directions. The computer, the parrot, the rebel and the servant.

The COMPUTER is about information. It's very rational and logical. It knows the consequences if we don’t get the task done. It speaks in 3rd person and says "this is the task” and "this is how it has to be done.” The computer knows all the steps and who else we need to involve.

The PARROT represents power and authority. It tells us what to do. It speaks but cannot act. It gives us a command. It might have a specific tone of voice when it says “you should have finished that ages ago.” It also uses words like "you must, "you have to," "you should have” etc. The parrot is always right and often even sounds like one of our parents.

ASK YOURSELF :-

What sort of things does my parrot say?

What tone of voice does it have? Does this remind me of anyone?

Next comes the REBEL. The rebel works in opposition to the parrot. It will act as long as it’s not seen. It uses its power to distract and it can be rather sly. It might say something like, “I’m going to do what I want.” or "you deserve to have that now"

ASK YOURSELF:-

How does my rebel show up?

What is its favourite strategy?

Finally the SERVANT comes in to complete the task and DO THE JOB. It will obey the authority of the parrot. The servant wants respect and to be seen. It is afraid of failure and gets anxious. It works rather like a robot.

As the deadline looms closer, the parrot escalates, the rebel gives up and the servant gets the work done.

This takes up a lot of time and energy and is where Logosynthesis® comes in useful. We can use the Logosynthesis® sentences to release the energy caught up in the parrot and the rebel. Now, it becomes possible to begin to access your Free Self !

When we operate from our Free Self, we have the freedom to act, create and be productive. We can move forward with ease and our life starts to flow.

If you want to know more about how Logosynthesis® can help you with procrastination and any other areas of your life where you feel stuck please contact me.

I used to think there was something wrong with me. In my 40's after my marriage breakdown, I was at rock bottom, experiencing extreme grief and sadness. I had reached the bottom of a very deep well and I knew that I had to climb out and rebuild my self-esteem.

Over the next 10 years, I was determined to follow a path of self-improvement. I read a lot of self-help books including Caroline Myss's book "Why People don't Heal and How They Can." I discovered Louise Hay's" You Can Heal Your Life" book and went to many weekend workshops. I read a lot of self-help books but the writings of these two women stood out on my own road to recovery.

As women we are encouraged to aim for perfectionism. Through the media, we are conditioned to strive for the perfect figure, the perfect skin, hair and make-up. We learn early on to judge ourselves as not being good enough and to compare ourselves with others. We become increasingly disappointed in ourselves because we don't match up to the myth of how a woman should be.

There is little room to grow and evolve as women because we often feel 'less than perfect.' Our foundation is inherently flawed and we spend time on self-analysis and self-criticism, which gets us nowhere.

WHAT IF WE ARE ALREADY PERFECT?

What if you began each day believing this and living your life from this space?

How would you show up differently?

YOU would begin to TRUST yourself and OPEN UP to yourself.

Then spend time identifying any outdated beliefs you have about yourself. Root out any behaviour patterns that do not support your growth and future evolution. Instead of judgement, cultivate compassion. Discover how to become heart-based and heart-centred.

If you can do this, you will experience more peace and joy. You will learn how to take your power back and reclaim your self-worth.

During my coaching sessions, I encourage my clients to cultivate a loving relationship with themselves. As women we have often neglected our needs for years. From the new place of love, they learn to witness their own growth and transformation. They learn that everything is already perfect.

When you start from the place of I am more than okay rather than I am flawed you show up for yourself differently. You reclaim love and blossom and thrive from a space of essential goodness and perfection.

Let's set ourselves free from feeling flawed and imperfect!

The final transition phase as defined by Frederick M. Hudson, coach and consultant, is GO FOR IT. This is when we have renewed energy and drive in our personal life and/or career. We have experienced an ending like a redundancy, gone through the doldrums, spent time cocooning and getting ready and now, here we are at a brand new starting point. At the end of a career or life phase, we can't believe that we will ever feel renewed and re-energised. However we are in a cycle and eventually the wheel turns.

A transition cycle can be either a mini or major cycle (depending on what else is going on for you.) You could be starting a new decade or be newly single after divorce (major) or have been promoted in your company (mini.)

Whatever has gone before, as you enter this phase you will notice shifts in your energy, your confidence levels and find the courage to try new things, accompanied by a feeling of fulfilment. You may also be challenged by everything you want to achieve and risk-taking increases with your new-found confidence.

The main results I want my clients to achieve in the GO FOR IT phase are reaching their new goals and really enjoying the experience of success, however they define it ( as individuals we can differ in our perception of success.) We may want to redefine success, especially if our definition is outdated and based on other people's views rather than our own e.g. our parents, boss, friends or partner. The important thing is to celebrate being successful. High achievers are prone to skip the 'celebration' step as they swiftly move on to their next goal. If you are one of these, pause and take time to witness all that you have achieved. Then find a way to 'mark' it that is significant to you.

  • Here are some tips for navigating the high energy "go for it" phase:-
  • explore new networking groups and events
  • find ways to improve your time management skills to get more done
  • make sure you block out some work-free evenings and weekends
  • investigate which new professional organisations you could join





At some point during the cocooning process there will be a tiny spark that you notice. Something new is ready to emerge, like the butterfly unfolding its wings and coming out into the world. Renewal is here and with it comes a deeper sense of trust and hopefulness. You realise how necessary the other two parts of the transition cycle were and that you can't go back to who you were then, or the career or job that you had. Life is demanding something new and different.

Getting ready is a time of exploration and enjoyment. You may find that you have a yearning to learn or discover something new, to try something out that you haven't dared to before.

  • What experiences are you drawn to?
  • What new options might be available to you?

You notice you are feeling different. 'You are much more joyful and trusting of life. Your sense of humour, confidence and creativity are returning. You may decide to make some different choices about how and where you live. You experience a renewed sense of purpose and passion. You feel able to take more risks. Your intimate and close relationships feel revived and refreshed. You redefine what your 'inner sense' of work is and feel open to try something completely new.

Overall this is a very exciting time. You give yourself permission to do something with abandon! You take more risks! You enjoy the experience of 'being lazy' in a way that you haven't been able to do before. Maybe it's reading with abandon or playing more? You can explore your creativity beyond what you know and enjoy experimenting playfully like a child with a new paintbox!

4

The term 'cocooning ' comes from the work of Fredrick Hudson and Pamela McLean who studied transition cycles. We can go through a mini transition which is about improving a life chapter ( e.g. when we change jobs) or it could be the end of a life chapter. Cocooning is about renewal and inner transformation. It's a time of reflection and self-evaluation as well as a time of surrender and allowance. This means allowing your old world to fall away while surrendering to the in-between space, before the next phase begins. You could feel a sense of relief, but you may also feel lonely and sad at times. Grief may surface and you are offered an opportunity to process it.

We all have an inner sanctuary, a place deep inside of us. In the cocooning phase it's time to cultivate our relationship to it. Our inner sanctuary is the place where we can nurture ourselves and offer ourselves unconditional love.

Activities that could be beneficial during this cocooning are journalling (to help with self-reflection) taking up a new interest, travelling or taking a sabbatical. In some cases taking a transition job or part-time work will enable you to transition to something else when it's the right time.

You may not feel like doing anything much for a few weeks or months. It's very easy to get caught up in old patterns of self-judgement and view yourself as lazy. Know that you are going through a metamorphosis. Try cultivating patience and trust in the process. Eventually you will experience a sense of excitement and renewed purpose and passion.

Trust that this will emerge, like the butterfly, when you are ready.

The struggle to leave the cocoon is what strengthens the butterfly's wings so she can fly

Tricia Stirling

Here are my tips for navigating the cocooning phase:-

  • Cultivate kindness and patience towards yourself
  • Don't force things, rather ALLOW them to emerge
  • Positive solitude. Connect to your inner sanctuary daily (during meditation, when you are out in nature or taking quiet reflective time out)
  • Breathe into the softness of your cocoon and connect to the inner peace and safety there

2

We become aware that cycles are shifting when we reach the end of something, an impasse, a point where we can no longer sustain our position. This could relate to a career, a job role, a significant relationship, or a life phase. Perhaps a new decade is approaching and instead of looking forward to it, it feels daunting.

Endings are a place of exhaustion, deep despair, panic and often fear. You know something is coming to a close and it's time to move on, yet you still desire to cling onto the known world. The familiar, tried and tested territory, which felt safe and comfortable, no longer feels that way. In fact, it will probably become excruciatingly uncomfortable if you stay too long.

During my life, I have experienced a fair amount of life and work transitions including moving from the city to the countryside, changing job roles, undergoing a restructure at work and moving from employment to self-employment. I have made supporting clients who are navigating transitions a major part of my coaching practice. I have worked with clients who are reaching the end of a career phase and those who are starting a new role after a promotion. Other clients are facing redundancy, a restructure or a relationship breakdown. Together we find a way to navigate the ending and journey through to the next phase in the cycle called cocooning. I help my clients to recognise that an end point has arrived and that overstaying in an old place/role may be to the detriment of their health and wellbeing. Overstaying when things are not working leads to illness, burnout and depression. I view endings as our SOUL calling us on to greater, more expanded life. Even if the path ahead is misty and unclear we can acknowledge we are entering a new phase.

Here are some tips if you are near the ENDINGS point : -

  • Be gentle and loving to yourself. Allow time for what surfaces
  • Prioritise your own space and create silent time
  • Nurture yourself every day with fresh air, quality nutrition and exercise
  • Have patience and be true to yourself. Honour the ending of this significant career/life phase

When I relocated back to London from the West Country it surprised some of my friends and family. Many people  decide to leave London and the hustle and bustle of city life  and choose a quiet life in the country.

PBP_7142 RIt takes at least six months to re-orientate and to start to build up a new life. Even though parts of my new life were familiar (I lived in West London in my 20’s and came back in my 40’s for a year) the process was intriguing. I rediscovered many things that I used to love doing and had forgotten about, like visiting galleries and exhibitions and walking along the embankment by the Thames.

It’s been a refreshing and energising process for me so far!

 

When we go through a life transition, we can lose sight of the familiar landmarks as the habits and routines slip away and the new ones have not yet been established. Friends, places, relationships, old working patterns may come under the spotlight and be re-examined. Sometimes in the midst of all the changes we  feel "lost at sea," not knowing where to drop anchor. At other times there can be a rush of excitement and anticipation of what’s to come. I rediscovered a new sense of freedom as I began to redefine myself and try out new things.

The question of who we are and who we want to be arises. I had let go of many familiar roles and ways of being. This period of " in-between" is known as the neutral zone. It's a stage where the old has gone and the new has not yet arrived. It's a time when we may need to make some psychological adjustments.

What I learnt during this transition:-

  • To notice when, where and with whom I feel most at home and where I do not.
  • To surrender to the present moment continually.
  • To trust and take note of the synchronicities that show up.
  • To become curious about the everyday choices I make about my life

At the end of this " in between" phase we will have successfully transitioned into our new life. I'd like to end with this great quote:-

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou

Autumn is a time of transition. The children have gone back to school, young people begin a new university term and we have arrived in a new season.

I want to share my thoughts on the topic of "letting go."

We may think we are ready to let go, but for many of us, when the moment arrives there is a heaviness and level of resistance that shows up.

Last autumn, I set myself the task of sorting out my storage. I had been living back in London for a year but I still had some personal items stored away.

Letting go of this personal "stuff" was a process because when I connected to "my things" they made me feel SECURE but I didn't really need anything that was there for my new life. In fact I had the urge to buy new things to match my NEW ENERGY.

My storage represented the parts of my OLD LIFE that I was NOT ready to let go of.

I am sharing this with you because there may be some exciting shifts that you are ready for but if you are still "holding on" to the past in any way then the new can't come in fully.

Here are some questions for you to think about:-

  • What are you holding onto that keeps you feeling safe and secure?
  •  What are you ready to let go so you can finally start a new life chapter this Autumn?

Once you decide to let go of some "stuff" you will start to feel completely different!

LIGHTER

EXPANDED

ALIVE

JOYFUL

SO if you are still holding onto things, people, places... even after you KNOW deep down that you should let them go, now is the PERFECT TIME to release this old energy.

Many of my clients tell me that they know they need to leave their husband/partner /job and move on but they feel very insecure about making the transition. What's holding them back is FEAR; fear of the unknown, fear of being alone and it is scary. We all want to feel loved and secure and supported.

The good news is that you don't need to continue to carry the shadows of the past around with you and by facing your fears with support they will diminish and be replaced with new feelings of excitement. I also use a new process in my work with clients that helps clear away fear and release anxiety.

If you know you are holding onto the past and you are feeling READY to begin the process of letting go contact me   now to find out how I can support you, so that you can start creating YOUR Vibrant Life NOW!