Skip to content

I used to think there was something wrong with me. In my 40's after my marriage breakdown, I was at rock bottom, experiencing extreme grief and sadness. I had reached the bottom of a very deep well and I knew that I had to climb out and rebuild my self-esteem.

Over the next 10 years, I was determined to follow a path of self-improvement. I read a lot of self-help books including Caroline Myss's book "Why People don't Heal and How They Can." I discovered Louise Hay's" You Can Heal Your Life" book and went to many weekend workshops. I read a lot of self-help books but the writings of these two women stood out on my own road to recovery.

As women we are encouraged to aim for perfectionism. Through the media, we are conditioned to strive for the perfect figure, the perfect skin, hair and make-up. We learn early on to judge ourselves as not being good enough and to compare ourselves with others. We become increasingly disappointed in ourselves because we don't match up to the myth of how a woman should be.

There is little room to grow and evolve as women because we often feel 'less than perfect.' Our foundation is inherently flawed and we spend time on self-analysis and self-criticism, which gets us nowhere.

WHAT IF WE ARE ALREADY PERFECT?

What if you began each day believing this and living your life from this space?

How would you show up differently?

YOU would begin to TRUST yourself and OPEN UP to yourself.

Then spend time identifying any outdated beliefs you have about yourself. Root out any behaviour patterns that do not support your growth and future evolution. Instead of judgement, cultivate compassion. Discover how to become heart-based and heart-centred.

If you can do this, you will experience more peace and joy. You will learn how to take your power back and reclaim your self-worth.

During my coaching sessions, I encourage my clients to cultivate a loving relationship with themselves. As women we have often neglected our needs for years. From the new place of love, they learn to witness their own growth and transformation. They learn that everything is already perfect.

When you start from the place of I am more than okay rather than I am flawed you show up for yourself differently. You reclaim love and blossom and thrive from a space of essential goodness and perfection.

Let's set ourselves free from feeling flawed and imperfect!

The final transition phase as defined by Frederick M. Hudson, coach and consultant, is called GO FOR IT. This is the time when we have renewed energy and drive in our personal life and/or career. We have experienced an ending like a redundancy, gone through the doldrums, spent time cocooning and getting ready and now, here we are at a brand new starting point. When we are at the end of a career or life phase we can't believe that we will ever feel renewed and re-energised but it is a cycle and eventually the wheel turns round.

Remember a transition cycle can be a mini or major cycle depending on what else is going on for you e.g. you could be starting a brand new decade or newly single after a break-up or divorce ( major) or getting a promotion within your company (mini)

Whatever has gone before, as you enter this next phase you will notice shifts and changes in your energy, confidence and courage to try out new things. There will be a feeling of fulfilment but you may also be challenged by all the things you want to achieve! Risk-taking also increases with your newly-found confidence.

The main results I want my clients to achieve in the GO FOR IT phase are reaching the new goals they have set and enjoying the experience of success, however they define it. As individuals we can differ in our perception of success. We may want to redefine success, especially if we notice that our definition is outdated and/or based on other people's views rather than our own e.g. our parents, boss, friend or partner. The important thing is to celebrate being successful. High achievers are prone to skip the 'celebration' step and swiftly move onto their next goal!

You may be one of these and recognise this trait. I would like to encourage you to stop, take in what you have achieved and mark it in a way that has significance for you.

  • Here are some tips for navigating the high energy "go for it" phase:-
  • explore new networking groups and events
  • find ways to improve your time management skills to get more done
  • make sure you block out some work-free evenings and weekends
  • investigate which new professional organisations you could join





At some point during the cocooning process there will be a tiny spark that you notice. Something new is ready to emerge, like the butterfly unfolding its wings and coming out into the world. Renewal is here and with it comes a deeper sense of trust and hopefulness. You realise how necessary the other two parts of the transition cycle were and that you can't go back to who you were then, or the career or job that you had. Life is demanding something new and different.

Getting ready is a time of exploration and enjoyment. You may find that you have a yearning to learn or discover something new, to try something out that you haven't dared to before.

  • What experiences are you drawn to?
  • What new options might be available to you?

You notice you are feeling different. 'You are much more joyful and trusting of life. Your sense of humour, confidence and creativity are returning. You may decide to make some different choices about how and where you live. You experience a renewed sense of purpose and passion. You feel able to take more risks. Your intimate and close relationships feel revived and refreshed. You redefine what your 'inner sense' of work is and feel open to try something completely new.

Overall this is a very exciting time. You give yourself permission to do something with abandon! You take more risks! You enjoy the experience of 'being lazy' in a way that you haven't been able to do before. Maybe it's reading with abandon or playing more? You can explore your creativity beyond what you know and enjoy experimenting playfully like a child with a new paintbox!

When I relocated back to London from the West Country it surprised some of my friends and family. Many people  decide to leave London and the hustle and bustle of city life  and choose a quiet life in the country.

PBP_7142 RIt takes at least six months to re-orientate and to start to build up a new life. Even though parts of my new life were familiar (I lived in West London in my 20’s and came back in my 40’s for a year) the process was intriguing. I rediscovered many things that I used to love doing and had forgotten about, like visiting galleries and exhibitions and walking along the embankment by the Thames.

It’s been a refreshing and energising process for me so far!

 

When we go through a life transition, we can lose sight of the familiar landmarks as the habits and routines slip away and the new ones have not yet been established. Friends, places, relationships, old working patterns may come under the spotlight and be re-examined. Sometimes in the midst of all the changes we  feel "lost at sea," not knowing where to drop anchor. At other times there can be a rush of excitement and anticipation of what’s to come. I rediscovered a new sense of freedom as I began to redefine myself and try out new things.

The question of who we are and who we want to be arises. I had let go of many familiar roles and ways of being. This period of " in-between" is known as the neutral zone. It's a stage where the old has gone and the new has not yet arrived. It's a time when we may need to make some psychological adjustments.

What I learnt during this transition:-

  • To notice when, where and with whom I feel most at home and where I do not.
  • To surrender to the present moment continually.
  • To trust and take note of the synchronicities that show up.
  • To become curious about the everyday choices I make about my life

At the end of this " in between" phase we will have successfully transitioned into our new life. I'd like to end with this great quote:-

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou

Autumn is a time of transition. The children have gone back to school, young people begin a new university term and we have arrived in a new season.

I want to share my thoughts on the topic of "letting go."

We may think we are ready to let go, but for many of us, when the moment arrives there is a heaviness and level of resistance that shows up.

Last autumn, I set myself the task of sorting out my storage. I had been living back in London for a year but I still had some personal items stored away.

Letting go of this personal "stuff" was a process because when I connected to "my things" they made me feel SECURE but I didn't really need anything that was there for my new life. In fact I had the urge to buy new things to match my NEW ENERGY.

My storage represented the parts of my OLD LIFE that I was NOT ready to let go of.

I am sharing this with you because there may be some exciting shifts that you are ready for but if you are still "holding on" to the past in any way then the new can't come in fully.

Here are some questions for you to think about:-

  • What are you holding onto that keeps you feeling safe and secure?
  •  What are you ready to let go so you can finally start a new life chapter this Autumn?

Once you decide to let go of some "stuff" you will start to feel completely different!

LIGHTER

EXPANDED

ALIVE

JOYFUL

SO if you are still holding onto things, people, places... even after you KNOW deep down that you should let them go, now is the PERFECT TIME to release this old energy.

Many of my clients tell me that they know they need to leave their husband/partner /job and move on but they feel very insecure about making the transition. What's holding them back is FEAR; fear of the unknown, fear of being alone and it is scary. We all want to feel loved and secure and supported.

The good news is that you don't need to continue to carry the shadows of the past around with you and by facing your fears with support they will diminish and be replaced with new feelings of excitement. I also use a new process in my work with clients that helps clear away fear and release anxiety.

If you know you are holding onto the past and you are feeling READY to begin the process of letting go contact me   now to find out how I can support you, so that you can start creating YOUR Vibrant Life NOW!

 

This time of year can leave us a feeling a bit jaded and unmotivated. No wonder we have Valentine's Day in the middle of February to bring in some warmth and passion. This week's post is  your invitation to find more passion in your life!

OV26AOMUMIWe know that passion is infectious- remember the last time you spent a few hours with someone who was enthusiastic and how this made a  difference to how you felt?

As a coach, I am fascinated by the theme of passion, and how we cultivate that vital "spark" that makes us feel alive and expanded. Last week, I attended an inspiring talk by Gregg Levoy who has a new book out called "Vital Signs: The Nature and Nurture of Passion."  As well as talking about passion, Gregg talked about "dis-passion" which is the experience of being numb, stuck or bored with our lives.

How do we get our passion back when it seems to have gone into hiding? Gregg reminded us that passion will come and go naturally but there are ways in which we can cultivate it too. And of course Gregg's talk  inspired me to write this post to you!

3 Ways to Reconnect to Your Passion

  1. Stop doing the same old things in the same old ways and experiment with your life. Create a different routine in your day and see what happens.
  2. Step out of your comfort zone. It doesn't need to be a huge step but it could mean that you risk saying something positive to someone rather than keep quiet or step up in the way you do something.
  3. Spend an hour a day doing something you are passionate about, this could be painting, writing, baking, walking and notice what happens.

I'd love to hear how you get on, so please post a comment in the box below.